The worst

Someone posed the questions, what was the worst day/moment of your life. I undoubtedly know mine.
I am a fan of the show Grey’s Anatomy and this week’s episode was a very difficult one to watch. It dealt with a couple whose unborn baby was given a terminal diagnosis based on some testing. This brought back a flood of memories. Almost 2 years ago I was in a very similar situation. After some routine screening tests, I was informed my son had Trisomy 18 which is not compatible with life. I was then given the excruciating choice of having to deliver at 20 weeks or go full term which would result in the same outcome, and only further more put my health and life at risk. I delivered my son on July 3^rd 2013. This was the day that changed my life. My son ended up being stillborn and was already dead when I delivered him. I had the opportunity to hold him and did for quite a while. He was only 5 oz and fit in the palm of my hand, despite that I will never forget the sensation of holding my son for the one and only time. I have never been the same since. I am now a parent who has lost a child. No such decisions are easy and unless someone has been in such a position they should not judge someone else’s choice. You cannot imagine what it is like to hear that your child will die no matter what you do, and that the most amount of time you could expect with them is hours at most to mere minutes. There is no greater agony than to know that there is nothing you can do to save your child. We were able to somehow find peace about it. Don’t ask me how. There are moments or days when it is very difficult and I can do nothing but cry. A part of me died that day along with my son. July 3^rd 2013, the worst and hardest day of my life.